Mar 14, 2010

People who read and walk

I'm all for multitasking, but let's face it, when you read and walk you do neither well. Read. Walk. Read. Walk.

Why would you even read and walk? Like, is your book just so good you can't put it down? Is this some kind of ill-concieved time saving strategy? Or do you find your surroundings so unbearable that you need to escape into a book? I'm not sure you can actually read effectively while walking anyways.  Why not walk somewhere really fast, get there early, and read for a few? It's clear by the meandering start-stop pace of a read walker they are literally experiencing the worst of both worlds. In any case, I hope the climax to the last Harry Potter book involves you getting hit by a bus.

Feb 22, 2010

711 attendant

Terribly sorry to put you out. I know it must be super aggravating to have to make change for people. Especially when they are buying a small chocolate milk and paying with a $20 bill. Here's the thing: your bank machine only dispenses twenties, and you are out of large chocolate milks, so that really puts us at an impasse, doesn't it? I'm afraid this time you had to be the one to blink, and bend all the way down to below the cash and then grab--and open!-- a new roll of quarters. Coincidentally, that is your fucking job, so I could do without the exasperation. If I had change, wouldn't I have paid with it??

Jan 28, 2010

technorati

SQ7K2FUNTM92

Jan 17, 2010

Asshole family on the streetcar

Hey guys,
Just wanted to thank you for parking your giant stroller right across from me on the streetcar. Despite the rest of the aisle being relatively empty, you decided to create a bottleneck by stopping right there. So who do you think everyone is going to push through? a baby, or me (not a baby)?? Thanks again for that. Hopefully your baby grows up to be less of an asshole than you.

To the bitch (or bastard) with the bleach

Hi,

I'm sure this is going to come as TERRIBLY shocking news, but EVERYONE who lives in our apartment building uses the laundry facilities - NOT JUST YOU! I would personally like to thank you for ruining the new towels I purchased not a week ago. That was truly awesome.

Perhaps you could go to a store and investigate some non-bleach alternatives for your future laundering. Or, you know, try CLEANING YOUR FUCKING NECK OR SOMETHING.

Like, who uses bleach anymore? What century do you live in? Do you throw garbage at otters in your spare time? Stop being such an inconsiderate piece of shit. If I ever find out who you are, I'm going to make you drink the bleach, and then strangle you with the towels.

Thank you.

P.S. This also goes for all of you who wash oily-soiled items in the public laundry room, too. You are greasy dickheads.

Jan 14, 2010

High school girl at St. Clair station

Poor girl. You look freezing cold sitting there in your Canada Goose jacket (requisite for all private school kids), your ugg boots (also requisite) and your BARE LEGS. It's the middle of January-- what were you thinking?! Of course you're cold! Despite the myriad options available to you-- pants, stockings, leggings, etc... you chose to go barelegged. You're wearing winter clothes over the rest of your body-- did your legs not get the memo?

If this is some kind of aesthetic choice, I think you need to reconsider exactly how attractive your goosebumped and red legs actually are to people. You look like a raw turkey.

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